1. Be specific when
you introduce
a gripe.
2. Don't just complain, no matter how specifically; ask for a
reasonable
change that will relieve one gripe at a time.
3. Confine yourself to one issue at a time.
4. Always consider compromise. Remember, your partners' views of
reality
arejust as real as yours, even though you may differ. There are
not any
totally objective realities.
5. Do not allow counter-demands to enter the picture until the
original
demands are clearly understood, and there has been a clear-cut
response
to them.
6. Never assume that you know what your partner(s) are thinking
until you
have checked out the assumption in plain language; never assume
or predict
how your partner(s) will react, or what your partner(s) will
accept or
reject.
7. Never put labels on your partners. Do not make sweeping,
labeling judgements
about your partners' feelings, especially about whether or not
they are
real or important.
8. Sarcasm is dirty fighting.
9. Forget the past and stay with the here and now. What any of
you did
last year or month or that morning is not as important as what
you are
doing and feeling now. The changes you ask cannot possibly be
retroactive.
Hurts, grievances, and irritations should be brought up at the
very earliest
moment, otherwise your partner(s) may suspect that they may have
been saved
carefully as weapons.