This is a question that can only be answered by the partners involved in a polyamorous relationship. Since each person's guidelines are different, and each person's guidelines are open to change, the relationship equality will depend on what the partners agree upon. In some cases, relationships that start out as unequal, may grow, and as the love grows stronger, a decision may be made to move a relationship up a step to equality.

However, in the basic ideas of polyamory, there are three levels of relationships. None of the levels are limited to a single relationship, each is open to multiplicity depending on the choices of the partners involved.

Primary Relationships

These often involve marriage, though this is not the rule by any means. A primary relationship is simply one that you devote most of your time to, whether you live together or not. Thus, if you devote your time equally to two or more different people, it is possible to maintain multiple primary relationships. These multiple primary relationships may be separate, or may be a group marriage, where all partners live together. A group marriage may or may not involve bisexuality, and may be closed or open. Secondary relationships can grow into primary relationships, and they can also co-exist with a primary relationship, in the sense that the same relationship might be secondary for one partner, but primary for the other. An example of this co-existence might be a married person who is having a secondary relationship with someone who is not currently seeing anyone else, so therefore considers the relationship to be primary at the time. This person may meet someone later and develop a primary relationship with them, and may or may not move the pre-existing relationship to a lower level, depending on the choices of the partners involved.

Secondary Relationships

These are slightly less intense, but still practiced on a regular basis. Secondary relationships are very common among married polyamorous couples. They generally involve sex or some sexual activity which perhaps grows with the relationship. Secondary relationships are not much different from the conventional dating scene, where two people spend a good deal of time with each other enjoying similar interests and have a sexual attraction to one another. In a case where secondary and primary relationships co-exist as mentioned above, the person who considers the relationship primary has the benefit of maintaining a steady relationship, without feeling pressured to move the relationship up to marriage, or to spend more time than they are comfortable with in the relationship. These relationships can be very appealing to people who feel they do not have the time to currently involve themselves in a relationship that may lead to marriage, and may require more time than they can give. They are also appealing to people who want a steady comfortable relationship, but are not interested in marriage at all, and do not want to feel that their partner may want more from them than they are willing to give.

Tertiary Relationships

These are less intense and more sporadic. The feelings and emotions are there, but the relationship is not practiced on an everyday basis and/or may not involve sex. They are often the product of a higher level relationship that for some reason has become less involved, or perhaps can be the beginning of a new relationship. An example of a Tertiary relationship might be a higher level relationship in which one partner has moved away, and the distance between them makes the relationship less intense. Another might be a secondary relationship that has taken a "step back" while one of the partners is concentrating on developing a primary relationship. On the other hand, it may also be a relationship in which two partners have decided to acknowledge their feelings for one another, but have decided not to pursue it intensely... this is not uncommon if one of the partners is not polyamorous by nature, and is new to the concept. They are interested in a polyamorous person, and curious about the lifestyle, but would like to take things slow for a while to get comfortable and decide if it is something they are willing to try. Tertiary relationships may also be "comfort relationships". In this case, one or both partners are actively seeking a primary relationship that meets more of their needs, but have consented to maintain a sexual relationship with one another sporadically in the meantime. This has the benefit in today's society of being able to practice safe sex with one partner while you "play the field" to meet another, and can be mutually beneficial for people who enjoy sex, but do not like to introduce it into a new relationship until it has developed to a certain level.

*Definitions modified and used from "Loving More" and various informational publications