There are things I notice about a person that first makes them attractive... while looks admittedly play some part, I also like people with a good sense of humor, nice smile, intellgence, warmth, and good standards of hygiene. If someone smells 'bad' to me I don't find them as attractive even if they first were from a distance. If someone plain smells really good to me it turns me on.

Is it always just a gamble? How do I know when to approach someone? It probably isn't always a gamble, but because people so often misunderstand another's intentions and misread what they communicate verbally, relations between people can be just that. Sometimes it's just body language. Sometimes that body language isn't evident until *after* I go over and simply talk to them. If a person seems distracted and wants to move away, then either something is on their mind or they are uncomfortable in my presence for whatever reason. If a person is actively engaged in conversation and is, over time, moving closer to my 3' physical boundary, and it's *not* in a very crowded room then I take that as a sign of interest. If they offer to give me a solo backrub and I don't know them all too well I take that as a sign of interest. Beyond that, I have to play it by ear. See if I am responsive to their touch, listen to what they have to say and see if it resonates with me. If there's any hints like the 'exchange of flirtation' at the same level or greater, I think that's a good indication of their interest in me.

What is attractive is:

• A willingness to equally partake in conversation about all types of subjects including each other.
• A warm aura or good energy about someone. For those who don't believe or comprehend auras -- think about how a certain passage of music makes you simply get all happy inside or feel moved, whereas others are discordant and hard on the ears. People can be like that, too, even if they don't say a word -- some feel good to be around and others not so good.
• Perceptiveness. Call it emotional intelligence if you want. An ability to be nonjudgmental and understanding, an ability to listen to you when you need to be heard and to say something to you that will be of value.
• Cuddle-ability. The power of touch. The ability to give good hugs, and caress me without any defined ulterior motive. The ability to enjoy touch as an end in itself.
• Honesty. Asking questions with frankness yet not brutal tactless honesty.
• Intelligence and a good sense of humor.
• Being sexy. Many things are sexy to me, like how someone smiles or how they ently brush my face, if they feed me chocolate covered strawberries, etc. It is best when the person is not at first in a heated rush, but moves slowly and gently towards getting more physical with me. If I am really turned on by them, if they are moving too slow I will let them know it's ok to speed things up!
• A sense of aesthetics. One who can appreciate beauty in nature, in a sunset, in the sky, in other people -- and share that appreciation.
• Having an interest in learning something new or trying something new. A sense of adventure.

Not conducive to attraction:

• The person doesn't know you, it's your first time meeting them and they want to tell you their entire life story and/or about this crisis situation in their life and nothing else.
• Person touches you in ways you find creepy or inappropriate.
• Person is too overbearing. Feeding you lots of sweet lines, offering you the sun, the moon, and the stars. Offering to be your slave. Telling you how beautiful your body or parts of it are. And you don't really know them.
• Person is quick to get mad, has a bad temper. Any man or woman with a controlling, manipulative personality is a bad thing too. Possessiveness, domineering behavior, abusive or violent behavior... each is plenty to write someone off as a partner and even a friend.
• Person is opinionated 180 degrees opposite to my own views, doesn't share my values in the slightest, and has a different set of ethics. Sure, I'll talk to them, but if they seemed physically attractive before, once they voice their options on religion, weapons, abortion, education, and other controversial issues I may want to run and hide.
• Person basically doesn't listen to what you have to say, and answers your questions with an unrelated topic. Basically, person is a boor (and probably bore).
• Person is foul smelling, and has poor hygiene in general; doesn't care for appearance at all.
• Serious drug or alcohol use/abuse always turns me off. If you get drunk one night or smoke a joint now and then it doesn't bother me. But go on a drinking binge and I don't want to know you.
• Person is overly persistent and needs a clue-by-four that you simply AREN'T interested in them sexually. Sayonara buddy!

As for how to voice you're attracted to another person you already know, such as a good friend -- that's more difficult in some ways. I can see being afraid of losing the friendship or being afraid about rejection. I can see the person on the receiving end possibly feeling uncomfortable and not knowing what to say. In any case, I would hope that people were friends enough that they would agree to themselves and to each other that regardless of any romantic/sexual attraction one may have for the other, if it isn't mutual, that they'll still want to be friends and maintain the friendship. It has happened to me before, I'm no stranger to telling a friend that I'm interested in them only to be told, "sorry". And while I was hoping for something more, they were being honest, and I had to accept that. It helped to see other people, and go out, to get over that lack of reciprocation and continue to do things with them as a friend. I've also had to tell someone I was sorry that I wasn't interested in them. In most, but not all cases, I've been able to continue the friendship, and it's worked out fine, because we both enjoyed the nonsexual component of our relationship and wanted to maintain that.

How did I communicate to a friend I was interested? I try to lead up to it in conversation, by stating the question to that friend, "How do you tell a friend you're interested in them without it ruining the friendship, if they aren't interested in you?" You can get an answer out of that, usually, unless the person is totally clueless. Sometimes the person will be perceptive (a good sign in my book) and pick up as you stare into their eyes and talk to them that it is indeed them you are talking about, and say, "What makes you think they aren't interested? I certainly am." And it's easy to go from there. Sometimes you get told "Sorry, I don't see you that way...but I still want to be friends". Which hurts sometimes, but is better than having a new enemy.