Respond to each question in as much detail as you can.

1) Is monogamy the only acceptable form of a relationship for me? Why or why not?

2) Am I curious about whether or not polyamory would work for me7 Why am I curious?

3) If needs are not being met through my monogamous relationships, is it because my partner does/did not fulfill some basic expectation I had about monogamous relationships? (i.e., would a monogamous relationship with someone else possibly fulfill this expectation or need).

4) What fears do I have about starting a polyamorous relationship? How do these fears differ from starting a monogamous relationship with someone?

5) If I decide that I want to try polyamory, and I am currently in a monogamous relationship, how would I tell my partner about my interest in polyamory?

6) What makes me feel jealousy in a relationship? Would I feel jealous if:

• I saw my partner spending a lot of time talking to a friend of mine?
• I saw my partner hugging and kissing a friend of mine?
• I saw my partner talking intensely to someone I already envy (for their wealth, success, looks, etc.)?
• I saw my partner making love to a friend of mine?

List ALL the things that would make you jealous, and why. This is very important.

7) Is it possible for me to believe that I can love more than one person at a time? Why or why not?

8) If I loved a second person and spent time with them, how would I expect the first person to feel? How would I treat each person in the relationship?

9) If I could be involved with more than one person in a relationship, what special challenges would I have to deal with? {think: sexual contact, romance, schedules, financial, health, kids). How would I deal with them?

10) What positive results do I feel could come out of being in a polyamorous relationship? What personal growth could I experience from this situation?

11) If I decided to try polyamory, how open would I be about my choice? What affect would my choice have on my family, parents, friends, children, etc?

12) Other thoughts I have about relationships.

Clarifying Your Responses

After you have completed the worksheet, review your responses one last time. As you do so, ask yourself the following questions about your responses:

Is there any point where I am vague about my feelings, thoughts, and/or beliefs?

While you might not be sure of yourself or have well-formed values about a certain issue, it is important to be aware of these "blind spots". Knowing that you aren't sure what you feel or think about something is as important as knowing about what you are sure about.

Are my responses "universally understandable" - that is, could anyone read them and understand my response? Or is the response so personal to me that it is hard for anyone to understand? See how you could further clarify your response.

Example: Personal Response: I am jealous when my partner is with Sam.

Universal Response: I am jealous when my partner is with Sam because I feel Sam is more successful than I am and therefore a threat to our relationship.

Taking a personal response and expanding it into a more universally understandable response helps clarify the source of your values and beliefs. It helps determine the specifics of your feelings and thoughts, and how you justify their existence.

Analyzing your responses

Once you have completed the worksheet and clarified your responses in the preceding section, it is time to look at the possible core issues of your responses.

Whether you have answered yes or no to this question is not so important as why you gave the response that you did. One important part of self-growth is determining whether your values and beliefs are greatly influenced by others or if they are already essential to who you are. Whether you decide to be monogamous or polyamorous is a matter of conscience, but think about how you came to the decision. Was it under pressure from others? Is it because of outside influences? Do I necessarily agree with these influences? Why? Was it due to internal soul searching? If you examine your response and come to the definite conclusion that monogamy is the only relationship form for you, and no one is pressuring you to feel this is so, then you are being honest by sticking to monogamy. It is important to let a partner or potential partner know that this is your feeling, that monogamy is the only type of relationship you are interested in. The same applies to polyamory, of course.

Again, the important part of responding is not whether you answer yes or no. The important part is knowing why you responded as you did. If you are not curious, examine if the reasons were in any way motivated by fears, concerns, experience, others' opinions, societal/religious expectations, or other reasons. If you are curious, apply the same examination of the reasons.

This question is meant to determine if

• your curiosity about polyamory has come about out of a dissatisfaction with monogamous relationships in general
• if you are curious because your present relationship is unfulfilling in some way
• if you and your partner have had trouble communicating expectations about what your relationship is all about.

Would you escape the problems if you began a polyamorous relationship, or would they follow you around? Would polyamory aggravate the situation with your primary partner?

This question examines your feelings and beliefs about what can go wrong in a polyamorous relationship, and whether or not you think the dynamics of a polyamorous relationship are vastly different from those of a monogamous relationship. It is important to remember that every relationship is different when it comes to monogamy - the same applies to polyamory. It is also important to remember that despite the differences, a lot of the same issues will crop up from time to time.

A triad (three people) that lives together will often have the same arguments and discussions that couples do:

• Whose turn is it to clean the bathroom?
• What are we going to do Friday night - are we all going out or are we splitting up?
• Does anyone feel neglected in this relationship?
• Are you going to take care of me now that I'm feeling sick?

The dynamics may be different, the solution may be different, but the issues are often the same.

This is a "testing the waters" question. How close are you to your partner? Are you close enough to tell them about your interest in polyamory? Can you talk to your partner about anything? If not, what is keeping you from getting closer? Are you afraid of being rejected if you mention your interest? Do you think you will be judged negatively? Are you afraid that your partner will view your interest as a sign you are not very interested in him/her or not in love?

It is paramount that if you tell your partner about your interest that at the same time or prior to that - you let them know that you care about them deeply. One must be aware that the biggest fear anyone has about polyamory is that their primary partner will no longer love them anymore. Sometimes it is easier to introduce the concept of polyamory as fantasy, or to try using a story about polyamorous people in sex play to determine your partner' s level of comfort with the idea. If they are turned on to it, in a later discussion it could become the. basis for discussion: "That fantasy we talked about...How would you feel about trying something like that in reality? I'm curious." Don't press, the most important thing is that your partner feels comfortable talking about the issue. Also, you should initiate discussion on the issue in a way that is comfortable for you.

One of the most basic human emotions is envy. Everyone has it to some degree, and sometimes it is not even certain when it will rear its ugly head. Jealousy may or may not be justifiable, depending on the situation and the people involved. What is necessary is to recognize your jealousies, and if they have a basis in reality or perception.

This is a basic look into whether you can view a romantic relationship occurring between more than two people. Society abounds with love stories, but the vast majority focus on the couple that lives "happily ever after". Those love stories that do not focus on the couple tend to focus on deceitful affairs or imply that consensual threesomes have a lot of strain on them and never work out in the end. And stories about more than 3 people involved?

Sometimes we have trouble visualizing whether something is possible or not because it is outside the realm of our experience. It is something we have never encountered before. Just because we have trouble visualizing multiple relationships doesn't mean they don't exist. And we can come up with our own theory about how they work based on numerous sources until we find our own personal, definite proof.

This question is a twist on whether you would feel jealous if you saw your partner engaged in certain activities with someone else. The shoe is on the other foot, so to say. Many times there is an established "hierarchy" in a polyamorous relationship that is consensual and understood. Perhaps you spend more time with your new partner alone than you do with your original partner in order to get to know the new person better. Consider how your actions and feelings towards your new partner affect your original partner. There should always be an understanding and dialogue between all involved partners about what hurts each others' feelings and what makes each other feel loved and cared for. There should never be any deceptions or deceit, and some basic agreement should come to the fore as to how partners will fulfill each others' needs.

Sometimes (and this is more rare but not impossible) three people fall in love with each other on an equal basis. In this case, the equality may mean you do everything together or switch off in pairs, knowing that when you return to the other partner you will always be welcome and loved.

An even better question would be: Do I think I am able to deal with them? Being in a committed polyamorous relationship can be complicated - more complicated than a monogamous relationship. Especially from a legal and financial standpoint. If you are considering the challenges of an open marriage, or open intimacy with people outside your homebase, this is one thing. If you are considering the challenges of a live-in triad or group marriage, this is often quite another.

Some examples of challenges in an open relationship could be:

• The consequences of a female partner's pregnancy.
• The decision to pool financial resources or have them remain separate.
• The influence that strain in a primary relationship between two people has on other partner(s).

Most of the major challenges that come up are with group marriages, and you should not be worried until you are faced with the possibility of it. Like forming a business partnership, you only look up the fine print when you decide you need to form a partnership. For now, think about the challenges involved with accepting the concept of polyamory on its most basic level, and how it affects your current relationship. If you want to learn more about special challenges first, you may want to read a book on polyamory such as "Loving More".

This is a simple brainstorming question. Open yourself up to the possibilities of the positive aspects of being in a polyamorous relationship. Think about what is wonderful about being involved with two or more partners:

• When one of you wants to talk while the other is sleeping, there is someone else close around to talk to
• The house gets much cleaner when the four of you clean it
• Hard up for clothes? Ask one of your partners if you can borrow something to wear.

There are many more reasons, of course - some lighthearted, some serious. Think of all the possibilities.

This is often a step that many people choose not to undertake. It is not one to be taken lightly, at any rate, since the outcome of "coming out" can cause more trouble than good. If coming out is going to cause a lot of pain, abuse (physical or otherwise), or family members to disown you for real, then that is a good reason to delay coming out. If coming out will cause confusion or misunderstandings, and nothing of serious consequence, then you may want to consider doing so before someone discovers that something is going on by accident - the accident could be that someone thinks one of you is having an affair when nothing could be further from the truth! It is always important to decide whether the positives outweigh the negatives of coming out, and to determine the best way to go about it in a manner that is explanatory but not self-righteous. Before you decide to come out, it is good to talk to others who have tread the path and see how they have coped with the process and results.

Add any thoughts, ideas, or beliefs about relationships that you feel are important.

For Couples* (* other relationship types may try this for a group rather than couple contract)

One way to determine whether or not polyamory is a viable lifestyle option for both of you as a couple is for BOTH of you to complete the Relationships & Values Worksheet. Just whipping out the worksheet and giving it to your partner can give you an indication of how they feel about monogamy and polyamory. If there is reluctance, you may find out the source of the reluctance and come to better understand your partner. If there isn't, you can very often generate a meaningful discussion about your expectations and definition of a solid relationship just looking over the worksheet - even if your partner never gets past answering question #1 on the worksheet on his/her own.

The optimal goals, though, are to find out where you stand and how you both feel about monogamy and polyamory and their related issues. When you have determined where the similarities and differences are on certain issues, then you can move on to write a contract which melds your individual viewpoints. The contract you finally come up with should maximize your freedom while minimizing your fears - both as a couple and individually. Also, after you have completed your contract, you should periodically review whether or not your individual responses to the questions are changing and bring this to the attention of your partner(s).

A good way to come up with a contract is to follow the following process:

• Complete the Relationships & Values Worksheet separately, each person being as honest as they can. Note any issues where you are unsure of how you feel or are vague. Try to write responses that are universally understandable.

• When both of you have separately considered the questions on the worksheet and answered them privately, place the two response sheets side by side on a table so both your responses can be viewed.

• Take a pen and paper and divide a paper into 2 columns: Similarities and Differences. Review each set of responses together and see how you responded similarly and differently.

The contract often includes some level of compromise that is not too uncomfortable for your partner or yourself to commit to. For example, if "Ted will get jealous if I spend more time with another partner than with him", Ted should do some internal discussion as to why he gets jealous in the situation, but until he is not jealous in this situation it is a fair compromise for me to agree to spend equal time with Fred and another partner.

When you have sat down and completed all the questions in terms of similarities and differences, and go on to write a contract, it is essential to add a line to the bottom of it which states that the contract is open to change at any time, based on the participation and sharing of the parties involved. If there are a lot more differences than similarities, it may be time to review the overall compatibility of your relationship and how important exploring polyamory is to you individually as well as as a couple.